I am so S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D! And I think my body is showing it. 2 nights ago I had a check up and yesterday I was told I might have kidney stones... no one to blame for that but myself. Will I always be like this when I try to achieve my goals? Yes, yes, yes I am a perfectionist, I am Obsessive Compulsive, I am a control freak... I'd die if I fail... this is who I am and I take pleasure (I think) in stressing myself out knowing that in a not so very far away future I will get the result I expect.
As I write this, I really don't know what I want to say, expect that I do not want to fail in this project I am currently leading. It's like a legacy I am leaving behind... and just like other great legacies, it is not one that you want dirt, blood, failure written all over it. I feel helpless at the moment because I feel that I am at someone else's mercy -- people who are suppose to deliver are not giving their best, and all I can do is follow-up, push and sulk... I hate sulking, it's so childish and gives an impression that I can't get a grip of things. What am I suppose to do? I am very much trying to control myself, restraining myself from screaming at these people! WHAT CAN'T YOU GUYS GET?!?!? 32 FREAKING DAYS TO GO and it's if you are walking on the moon... bouncing is more appropriate... i think.
*SIGH*
